We haven’t written in a long time and I am sorry about that. A lot has been going on and at times it seems like very little. Perhaps more of the same? I went to the AFM/Superbike weekend – what I thought was a great event! Kudos to everyone for putting it on, the turnout was so incredible. Anneliese and I did our first sleepover at the track in the Normans trailer. It went really smooth, thanks to Kenny and Dave Raff for getting me up and down the ramp to enter the trailer. It was great to see everyone and say hi to old friends who I hadn’t seen in a long time.
We had Mothers Day, my daughters had her senior ball, we got a new boxer puppy, we finished some construction on our house and started new construction, my son got his drivers license, my stepson became better friends with Berto – YIKES! Anneliese has been interviewing with companies and really like a few, I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I Need to find something soon, health prevailing, IM BORED OUT OF MY F@#$*&% MIND!
New on the health front, bedsore on tailbone got worse overnight, my heels are better for the most part. One night my spasms were so bad in my stomach it caused my right foot to fall off the pillow support and caused a blister the size of a silver dollar. Now it’s a blood blister – they say that it is a stage 2 pressure sore. I say it’s merely a flesh wound` Haha. My HO, heterotrophic ossification has gotten worse per X-ray’s today. I have it pretty bad in my right hip, which prevents me from bending over in my wheelchair and being able to dress and get in the car independently. I will go on meds again for it but can’t get surgery for another 6 months for it. My right leg is swollen again- we are not sure why? We think that the HO has travelled to my knee since I can’t straighten it anymore. Doc has ordered an ultrasound this Friday and more X-rays to rule out blood clots or more HO. (Well,,,, update on this….. Anneliese and I went for an ultrasound yesterday for my swollen leg. They take the images and send us immediately to ER. I have at least 3 blood clots in my right leg. Not good news. The blood thinners are not working for some reason. I’m on the latest and greatest, Xeralto. They let us go home last night after wanting to admit me. They have put me back on shots twice a day until I meet with a new doc next week. We’ve got to figure this out – it’s a bit scary.)
Now back to my lovely worsening bedsore on my sacrum- unfortunately we received discouraging news from the surgeon last week. We will have surgery in the next couple of weeks and stay in hospital for a few days (YUK). Then I will be placed on another wound vac but they insist this one is a much better one – and it should help tremendously- let’s hope. I have to be honest; my emotions have been up, down, down and just plain down. It’s frustrating. I’m tired of all these setbacks, it just sucks! But, all we can do is move forward because failure is not an option.
My year anniversary of the accident is coming up June 2nd. Anneliese and myself have been incredibly emotional this past week… A lot of tears. A year ago, we just closed on our new house in San Jose. We moved everything out into storage as we moved our new Voltage Trailer on the side yard to live in while we began our remodel. Our life was about to get really exciting! Living next door to Eddies’ nanny since he was a baby and great neighbors, Sandy& Dave. We were so looking forward to our new beginning of our newly married life. A week later we would head to Thunderhill for the race and the rest is history. While I laid in the hospital, friends helped Anneliese move the remaining items out of our rental.
Anneliese dealt with our great landlord, and continued to figure out our life for months and months while living out of storage – and our move back to our home we were renting out to my brother and sister-law in Walnut Creek. I really needed to be close to my family for my sake and Anneliese’s. She’s sacrificed a lot and continues to by moving here.
We think we have decided to go back to Thunderhill the weekend of the accident. The actual day, Monday, June 2, we will spend in Chico hopefully meeting the docs that performed the much needed 9 hour surgery. There have been many tears thinking about it- but it’s been Anneliese’s worse fear. She relives my crash every night in her sleep. We need to face it head on so we can move past this chapter. I’m not sure how I will feel yet. Stay tuned…
Anneliese’s best friend from Miami sent this to her today – when she read it to me it was very emotional for both. I would like to share parts of it…………………………………………. ………… I know it won’t really help but I have been struggling with what to say to you to help you find the strength to march on, and to put that lipstick on your lips every morning and greet the world. It is desperately hard to see Dave suffer and to know that he has no power over his body. It is totally demoralizing to know that you cannot make him better. I have been fighting the sadness of knowing your one year anniversary was coming up, getting that sick feeling remembering that telephone call and my anguish, my horror of hearing you say those words that he was paralyzed. It was unbelievable. It was not possible. And yet a year is coming up. To say that this has been draining for you is the understatement of the century. It would have brought others to their lowest point to where they couldn’t get out of bed. But for you, I know it has been something you accepted and you managed and you dealt with because you can. You are a doer, a take charge person, a problem solver, a thick or thin no matter what kind of person. You have been Dave’s life, you give him life, you keep him alive – not just the physical part of it but also the mental part where he can see his old life and know that not everything was lost. That you were not lost. You are a shell in some ways but I pray every day that the empty space that this accident created in you will be filled with moments of intense love and hope and promise so that there is no void there in your soul. But Anny, you are invincible, forceful, shockingly intelligent and clairvoyant sometimes. You will make it, you will find a day where the number of times you push back the sadness is eclipsed by the joy you feel again because you get NORMAL back into your life. Yes, it is the normal that you were handed a year ago, but really, you took it, you wanted it, you relished it all. You wanted more than anything for Dave to live, but you never wanted him to be suffering. Can I tell you that now, in these weeks with this setback and the surgery and the wound vac, he has to fight his brain to keep his head on? I know that my one-year anniversary was like a sucker punch, repeatedly, feeling deflated and dejected. The mental pain – it was challenge to go about my life. I had the kids, I did it, but Anny, it is so hard and I know it is so hard for Dave on a huge scale — there is no getting away from it, he is there and he is what he has become physically. And that perhaps is what I want you to see: it does change, it will change, it will be fixed and fixable, it will improve, it will become routine and Dave will be independent and funny and bright — he will be your knight in shining armor, your love, your friend and your confidante. He is that now, of course, but he has the darkness and the pain that keeps him from being that in the way he wants to be that for you. So this anniversary of the accident (my shrink calls it my new birthday) must be observed and noted and you have to see the milestones and the distance you have both It gets easier and it gets harder — but I know you will keep looking into his eyes and I know you will see that true love, your love of a lifetime.”
Anneliese and I will update the blog after the anniversary, June 2nd.
Thank you for your amazing support to a local guy who just loves motorcycles and loved to ride………..