Monthly Archives: March 2014

Days Of Our Lives

I decided to sneak a post in between Dave’s…

Our daily lives are somewhat getting into a routine. Dave wants to find something to do a few hours a day. The man is a creature of habit. Before the accident, he was up at 5am and leaving for work at 6AM. He’s ready to do something, just trying to figure out what he could do! His bedsore is improving on his tailbone and continually getting smaller. Our home health nurse has reduced her visits to once a week. This means I am changing his wounds daily. That’s ok, we are getting into a routine: daily wound change and shower every other day. Life is quite different and we struggle every day with the good and the bad. Sometimes, we want to just give up!!!

We took a walk on the trail the other day and he was able to push for a mile and a half, until his shoulder started acting up. He’s still getting his massages from Correne, which is helping so much. Thanks Correne for coming to the house and helping me get Dave on the table.

Dave threw me a wonderful 50th birthday party; I had so many wonderful friends there with our immediate family. It was quite special to see the faces that have gotten us through the past 8 months and continue with their support, showing up on my birthday. I found it even more amazing; as it was the weekend we finally got rain and a lot of it. And… They still showed up.

I’m still looking for work and trying to figure out if I can do this all right now. We are thinking we need a few more months. We realized our lives are now settling into this world of being paralyzed. Dave is going to start rehab again. It’s just so hard, as I’m busy 24/7 – either helping Dave, driving Eddie back and forth to Los Altos or keeping up the house…. The amount of laundry I do currently is amazing. I feel like I never stop, I know technically I don’t work,…….. But… Do I work!

We have a few improvements starting on the house happening soon, which will hopefully make Dave’s life more adaptable. I told him tonight that I was getting a new sink a bit lower and getting rid of cabinet underneath so he can help with dishes. He was great with it!

His 1970’s Boss Mustang is finally being painted and getting ready to come home. It’s been a long two plus years restoring this dream car. He’s still trying to figure out how he’s going to drive this manual? I often find him on the mustang forum or researching anything and everything on mustangs.

He is back involved in the AFM and is looking forward to the start of the season coming up this March.
Alli, has so far gotten into every school she’s applied to for college. Jack continues to make Dave proud with his constant help, and he’s been riding with his stepdad and is learning to work on his bike on his own.
Eddie continues to make us laugh everyday. He made us jealous as he’s spent his winter break in Cabo. Dave and Eddie just bought a pellet gun and they have been target shooting in the backyard.

Our kids make me laugh and help me keep going when sometimes I feel like pulling the covers over my head and not getting out of bed. So many personal things happening to us that I would like to bury myself at times.
With Dave’s sense of humor and the kids I can….. keep on keepin on ( as a friend of mine says.)

With this injury came some sad dynamics within our family circle. I find it so hard to understand why some chose these times to alienate Dave. As Dave says, I would trade places with anyone that complains about minor BS.
He’s paralyzed for Goodness sake.
Why is it that people can’t get out of their own worlds to look into the world of this incredible man – who struggles to get up to brush his teeth, take a shower, get a glass of water from the fridge. He still needs help doing everything. Imagine this for a guy who’s so independent. Why pick this time to add such pain to a man who’s endured one of the worst. It’s unimaginable.
The silence, the battles and the pain that has been caused on top of what we have endured is simply heart wrenching for Dave and I. We would never imagine those that chose to do at such a time – but I guess it’s life; we will overcome this too, and become stronger.

I want Dave to focus on the positive and we need to put these unforeseen circumstances behind us. We need to look at the finish line, let those behind us with dysfunctional motives fade off. In order to remain healthy we have to surround ourselves with positive people.
Everyday it’s a struggle, and it’s FLPPIN HARD!
This has been a journey that I would have never expected in so many ways. So unbelievably grateful for those that give this incredible guy and myself, the continued shout out, the call, email, text and pure positive thoughts.
Overall, people have been wonderful to us. Simply amazing and continue to be on a daily basis.

My main objective is to keep Dave healthy, both physically and mentally. Could careless about anything else! Today was a really hard Day for Dave, just trying to find his purpose. He is so bored and just wants something to do for 3-4 hours a day.

On a happy note,  my dearest friend from Miami came out with one of her 5 children, Broghan, this past Friday. We’ve been best friends since high school. Dave finally met her a month before his accident as she had come out for her daughters robot competition. She had never met him prior and had only heard me brag about him via email, pics                      and phone conversations.

Joanna described Dave perfectly to me in an email before she arrived, I will quote her….

“When I talk about Dave, I always keep the image in my head of him sitting there, deep in conversation with Sloane (her daughter) so intent, so focused on her and making her feel comfortable. How did he do that? He had no reason to be kind, so friendly, so real. The fact he turned out to be gorgeous, tall and funny on top of it, well that just knocked me over. I left California feeling deeply happy for you, captivated by your husband knowing he would be your knight in shining armor. I think back on that moment and I cry now-at the situation – couldn’t we turn back time? Anny, you have something even now that people seek all their lives, and that is real, profound connection to another person who sees you and loves you know matter what.
I love who for who you are, I admire what you are and I know you create change in people everyday by living your life as you do. And I will do my best not to be crying all the time when I’m there.”

If anyone knows struggles she does. She was hit by a car going 50mph while running, in a wheelchair for 8 months. Her husband, Doug, struck with a rare virus, caused him to be paralyzed and almost die the past 3 years. He was not only paralyzed from the waist down, he got sicker and woke up being paralyzed from the neck down. Now, both are walking again and have educated themselves fully on recovery and what it takes if it’s possible. She helped me with Dave and gave me helpful insight on what he’s thinking and what she went through those horrible months after the accident and life in a wheelchair. She continues to struggle with her own husband daily in his recovery.

She gave me the most profound insight Saturday night. She looked at me and said, you might get frustrated with Dave, because he doesn’t want to go out, because he doesn’t seem to do what you want – because you might not see him trying.. Or simply, you want to expect more…..
The reality is, she said, is that he’s exhausted from sitting in that wheelchair all day. Do you realize, it’s hard to be in that chair all day? Do you realize when you have an exasperating conversation with him….. You get up and walk away? You use that energy to get up, wash the dishes, change the laundry, and take the trash out? Dave has to sit there, and all that frustration, energy, has nowhere to go!

When we went to our friend’s home, Monica and Mike, the other night for the Academy Awards, we all took a tour; he had to sit in their beautiful family room. He couldn’t do all the stairs to see their amazing backyard.
Imagine, everyone taking the tour but you. She told me…. even though he smirked… It’s hard, it’s lonely, it’s frightening and it can be so incredibly frustrating. I listened to this…and again, realized…….one step at a time…. Patience.

Dave has his days of good. But overall, he struggles daily. What is his purpose now, what can he do all day? I come home at times and he’s sitting in the house on the computer. It’s quiet….so quiet you can hear a pin drop. I ask him, Dave turn on the TV or music! It’s so depressing! I would be depressed if I had to stay in this environment all day and not be able to get out.
Joanna has been so instrumental on helping me get Dave into a stem cell research program. We together are going to succeed getting him in.

He’s sold his R1 and they picked it up the other night. Bittersweet, but it will be rode in the AFM Triple Crown Series Race. Dave was really excited to hear that – they also asked if they could use his number 53.   Dave was extremely touched they would even consider it.

Dave had a meeting with DMV (which we thought was a driving test!) discussing meds he’s on and his ability to drive. He was given the green light to actually take his driving test March 18th! If he passes (which he will) he can drive with no restrictions!!
We went to the wound clinic today and Dave was told things are looking good! His Sacrum wound is getting smaller and only over an inch long and little less than an inch wide. We work hard on changing it AND keeping his heels safe from opening up again.

Dave is going to start SCI Fit soon. His wounds closing up on his heels have allowed him to wear shoes, which is a requirement to do much of the equipment. I have also made an appointment for Dave at Project Walk. I found them on the Internet and their concept sounded really cool too. If anyone knows about Project Walk and has any insight that would be great!  Any insight….. Steve Dalton, Steve Kennedy, Wayne Rainey, Mario Bonfante???

As we said, it’s bittersweet… The area where his R1 motorcycle stood now stands his standing frame. Pic below says it all.

Thank you ALL for your continued amazing support. It’s a roller coaster ride and when you might call or text – might be when we are having our biggest dip. Thank you for helping us climb the next hill. It means a lot. This journey is tough!
Dave keeps me smiling, or at times crying. Overall… we are happy to be here and to be given the chance to get through these challenges. When we least expect it we get overwhelmed and we miss our old lives and what could have been.
We have to just keep our heads high and keep up this extremely emotional journey.

Here’s to the next post from David and his driving results!

Here stands the standing frame
Here stands the standing frame
Dave and Monica-great reunion of friends
Dave and Monica-great reunion of friends
Eddie and his buddy Broghan
Eddie and his buddy Broghan
Getting Dave out on a Sunday afternoon...Yummy
Getting Dave out on a Sunday afternoon…Yummy
Homework time
Homework time
Molecule race car
Molecule race car
Three great friends from high school!
Three great friends from high school!
Dave and Shannon's selfie!
Dave and Shannon’s selfie!
Celebrating my best friends arrival from Miami!
Celebrating my best friends arrival from Miami!
Alli and her Pops!
Alli and her Pops!
Dave's cop car with its new push bar!
Dave’s cop car with its new push bar!